For as long as I can remember, I've always known that a deep urge existed within me. My vision of this feeling has been a soft glow that resides deep within my soul. It feels strange attempting to write this feeling out in a blog post, because it's something I've only just pondered about since before high school. I've never described it in words, until now. I often think of it as a dim light, like something you might see flickering mysteriously far past the distant trees. This urge, this glow....has a way of its own. Sometimes it is dormant while I mosey through my daily routine, and sometimes it is fully awake, playfully dancing around. There is always a familiarity to it, despite it's random cycles. Though my life, I've often had to play "catch-up", running after it like it's a wild weed blowing in sporadic winds.
It's taken a long time to understand what this is, what I'm trying to catch up to. I've realized that is it "truth", "authenticity". This deep urge, as I relate to it, translates into my truest desires, my happiest of moments and my most peaceful and fulfilling experiences. For me, it's a walk in the woods with my camera, feeling cool, damp air gently cling to my skin, or a confident ride on the back of an anxious horse.
In recent years this urge....this glow has gotten brighter, the pulse of the light stronger and the confidence of its existence more recognizable. I've become familiar with it's patterns, and with courage and vulnerability, I've given it more power and more responsibility over my actions, decisions...and my life.
This light I've felt within me is growth, expansion of consciousness and awareness of body, mind and the life I create around me. The image of a lantern has always been symbolic to me. For so many years the lantern represented an external guiding light that I was to seek and follow. Now that symbol has changed to represent an internal guiding light; one that has grown so vivid, strong and self-reliant. This transition from external light to internal light is something I've discovered and built through my practice of yoga. The art of turning inward can be scary but powerful and so ultimately vital.
A recent theme and lesson in my life has consistently shown up as straying away from following the "signs of the universe" but rather to follow the signs I create for myself. I say this because for so long I was waiting for something to happen, waiting for something to point me in a certain direction. And, perhaps it has, in ways that I have glazed over recognizing...but I have realized that I am the creator of my own life. It's taken confidence and encouragement to get there (thank you, husband). Though, I do believe in going with the flow, I have learned to first create the riverbed for the water to flow in.
To create from the heart means to be a warrior. I love the quote I put in the image above this post because it talks about the "soul of a warrior". I see this as the light deep within, the lantern of a warrior. We must do the work create a space and an energy source for that light to shine. And with that light shining, we can grow, expand and become a warrior for ourselves.
Hello, I'm Julie.
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