Photo taken by Ekstasy Vine - Julie watching the sunset in Sounio, Greece, 2016
There is an arguable topic that presents a good example of the conflicting feelings of "being ready". It's having kids. One side of the argument regarding being ready for children is to first make more money, get finances in order, build a savings, and get some fun and travel "out of the way". The other side of this argument suggests that no matter what you do to get ready, there will always be something not quite in place to proceed with having children. I think most people try to find a happy medium between those two sides of the debate, ultimately re-defining this type of readiness as developing a responsible and sustainable situation rather than achieving big goals within limited time.
I think this discussion of "getting ready for children" is a good example of how unstable and unpredictable the feeling of "readiness" can be.
It can be overwhelming to ask the question, "Are you ready?"
It's a heavy beast to carry around, especially if you are asking it of yourself.
Being ready is a big gift with several smaller gifts inside that need to be opened first. There are two mains parts to this. The first part is feeling ready, and the second part is the action that results as a response to the feeling of being ready.
This quote describes the feeling I've had for the past three years.
Thank you Danielle LaPorte! Oh, and her book Desire Map is a MUST read for those looking for deeper fulfillment in life and a pure, soulful way to set goals. It's one of the few books I own that I continuously go back to.
It's a good feeling to feel ready, but based on the quote above, can you see the part that stops me in my tracks?
It's hard enough most times to make decisions in general, but what about those moments when decision-making comes surprisingly easy? I don't mean simply deciding to choose pizza over salad. I'm talking about the big, life-changing, thunder-generating decisions that leave a ripple effect in your wake. What does it feel like when the answers to those questions come easy and fast? Relief, joy, fulfillment....or fear, hesitation, doubt?
I have an example of an answer that came fast and easy, which resulted in complete joy and excitement. My husband. I met my husband in August 2010 and we were undoubtedly engaged less than 6 months later. Before we were married many people's reaction to our story was, "Wow, that was fast! How do you even know each other yet?". Now that we're married the reaction is different, more like, "Wow, that's amazing that you knew so soon." Knowing I wanted Scott as my life-partner was a decision that didn't even feel like a decision. It didn't require active or rational thinking. It was more like movement toward something I knew was wonderfully good. There was no hesitation, no doubt, only purity of love, understanding and expression. Our soulful energy works together to enrich one another. This was a readiness of deep knowing, but one that carried no risk worth denying.
There are other times when knowing and being ready is accompanied by fear, hesitation and doubt. Are you carrying a shield into that battle?
The Battlefield of Trust
Why is it that we can feel just as ready for A as B, but A comes with positivity and confidence, and B comes with fear and doubt? This battle is about realizing that it's natural to feel confident about one thing and not-so-confident about the other. It's even okay to feel confident and not-confident about something at the same time. It's like standing high on a rock and knowing you need to jump in the water. In one situation, that rock is stable and solid, so jumping off is methodical, steady and available when you are ready. In another situation, that same rock may be wobbly and off balance, so jumping off is hesitant, scary and unsettling. Maybe you don't feel so ready for that. This fight depends on the situation and amount of trust we have in what's ahead of us and what's within us to make the move. You are a Warrior on this battlefield. Warriors have physical and mental strength. They know what they have to do and they do it without hesitation and with heart because they have a deep resource of trust within them that allows them to know what's coming is coming for a reason. There is always a cause and effect, and understanding that is part of the process as well. The cause is the knowing, the "being ready", while the effect is what comes from that. If you know what you want, you know you need to trust what's on the other side of the equation.
Forgetting to Look Inside
How many times have you made a big decision solely by yourself without consulting anyone? For most of my life I have confided in family or friends before making big changes. We were taught to do that though, right? Run your idea by someone to see if you're on the right track. They will tell you if you are completely off your rocker! Right? This makes some sense, if the person your running it by can really listen to you and see you, isolate you and recognize your individual world. They were the outside perspective. They were the ones that could see the big-picture. I was lucky to grow up with a loving and responsible family. I've had great experiences with decision-making in my life, especially as a child with parents that paved a path for me to follow my dreams.
However, as I've gotten older, this idea of an "outside perspective" is starting to bother me. Part of the problem is that I still give it an authoritative value when making decisions of my own. There can be a lot of weight held on the "outside perspective". Caring about what situations or decisions may look like from "outside the box". I think the dependent and reliable nature of this outside perspective originates from the fear of going too far inside ourselves and getting lost as a result. Because, being lost is a terribly unproductive place to be, right?
We ask for an outside perspective to make sure we're not too deep in our own dream, to make sure we're not drowning in our own deepest desires. I'm realizing how wrong that is now.
Looking inward, finding our soulful purpose makes completely sense and feel 100% right on the inside. But as soon as we give it to the "outside perspective", it changes. In my case fear and self-doubt are born. I've been raising them inside me, like little children I pretend not to care about. I feed them behind closed doors, I allow them to grow inside me. They start to act like me, and they learn how to speak, how to reject, how to fight...
...and my shield gets bigger and bigger.
Finding the Safe Zone to Move Forward
The "safe zone" is simply one thing: Trust. Okay, two things: Trust and Support. Do you know you're ready? Do you know you're not ready? Does it even matter? After all that.....I don't think it does matter. I think what matters is how strong we are and how capable we are inside to handle the "effect". Do you have the resources inside to support your body, mind and soul through a change, through a transition, through the action that comes from knowing?
The title of this blog is post is "Knowing (or Not Knowing) When You're Ready". There is no answer, only guidance through this movement, through this process. That guidance is to trust your deepest feelings and desires. Trust the tingling on the surface of your skin and the flutter in your belly. Trust the urge to pull back, if need be. Trust the buzzing in your ear. Follow the energy that enriches your soul. Know that in whatever action you consciously and intentionally take, being "ready" doesn't matter. Know what you desire matters.
I truly believe that if you follow the energy that you're drawn to, you will enter into an environment that was made just for you.
Listen. Go. Trust. Leap. Fly.
Hello, I'm Julie.
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